Happy Father's Day!!!!

I lost my Dad 4 years ago. Since then, celebrating Fathers Day become really different. Gone are the days when our whole family goes out for dinner... Gone are the days when this one particular Sundays means running to our parent's room first thing in the morning to suprisingly kiss and hug our dad as we all wish him. Now, it's all about going semetery and lighting a candle for him... Now it's all about whispering a silent prayer asking him to continuosly guide us.

Our father died of brain cancer. He was so healthy and full of life that a simple headache become a nightmare for us. He consulted a doctor only when the pain became worst and we were all suprise when the result showed that he is already on the final stage 4 and was given 8 months to leave. I remember being hysterical and yelling at the doctor for being so insensitive.

The final diagnosis bought extreme difficulties for the whole family. Imagine how hard it is to sit on the dining table with alot of appetizing food infront but nobody has the appetite. Why? Because we can very well hear our father's scream of pain and my mother's silent crying. If you heard your dad uttering the words "ahhhhhhhhhhh, I can't take it anymore" while your mom softly whispering "please be strong, we need you"... can you still manage to even think of eating?

Months of sleepless night as my father's condition worsen. We thought every night was his last night. If only we have the power to rewind or stop the time. I'm proud of my dad. Admist all the pain, he was able to have a good fight in life.

I miss you Papa... So many words left unsaid. I'm sorry that I don't believe on marraige. I'm sorry that I had a son out of wedlock. I'm grateful that despite my being stubborn, you gave me your blessing for me to decide for myself. If only you can open my heart right now, you will know how fulfilled am I. Yes it was not easy, but I don't have any regrets with the major decisions I made before - your eldest daughter is out of nightmare now so don't worry.

Forgive me if it will take forever for me to forget you.... I know you are still here looking after us. No matter how long is the distance between us, I will always be a Papa's girl...