Random Thoughts & Serious Notes....

It's already past 1am but I'm still wide awake. I hate it when I can't sleep. Why? Because everytime my senses are active and conscious, I tend to think alot. Like right now, several thoughts are coming across and I can't help but to jot it down....

1. Can someone please tell Mother Earth that she's spinning too fast? Whoa! Few more months and my Baby Zyrus will be 6 years old. But wait, am I ready for this? I survive being a mommy to infant Zy… I survive being a mommy to toddler Zy…. Can I survive being a mommy to school-age Zy? I’m nervous… Will continue to strive hard to deserve you my son. Always remember that you mean the world to Mommy and you are the best thing that ever happen to me.

my baby zyrus baby no more

2. I finally got all the Bintan photos courtesy of the birthday girl Ley. Now I owe her a blog about it. Please give me until next weekend to finish it. Mr. A extending his thanks to you and Eric for letting him sleep at the veranda sofa. Hahaha! Can I make our vacation article no-holds-barrel? Like can I put all our beach photos and mention Eric's nightime habit? Hehe.... Seriously, thanks for being a friend Ley. I really do enjoy your company. So until our next weekend getaway.

at our recent bintan trip

3. I always wondered... Why would two people who claims to love each other so much bear to have a fight? I mean, doesn't it hurt to see each other sad and upset? Isn't it painful to make your partner cry? But isn't it amazing how you can stir so much emotions in a person with a word or an action too? Hmmm... Maybe because sometimes the reason for the indifferences is beyond each other's control. Sorry might be the next overuse word in any relationship next to saying "i love you", but if it's sincerly meant - it must be felt. As long as you two respect each other and as long as you two are one... then it's all that matters.

4. I know it was the scars of the past that mold me to be like this at present. Your presence still lingers... I had accepted the fact that you will forever be my shadow. Hope that everytime you drive or walk past me, you will be able to differentiate if it's beads of perspiration or tears that's rolling down my cheeks. It hurts so much that it doesn't quite matter anymore.

Happy Father's Day!!!!

I lost my Dad 4 years ago. Since then, celebrating Fathers Day become really different. Gone are the days when our whole family goes out for dinner... Gone are the days when this one particular Sundays means running to our parent's room first thing in the morning to suprisingly kiss and hug our dad as we all wish him. Now, it's all about going semetery and lighting a candle for him... Now it's all about whispering a silent prayer asking him to continuosly guide us.

Our father died of brain cancer. He was so healthy and full of life that a simple headache become a nightmare for us. He consulted a doctor only when the pain became worst and we were all suprise when the result showed that he is already on the final stage 4 and was given 8 months to leave. I remember being hysterical and yelling at the doctor for being so insensitive.

The final diagnosis bought extreme difficulties for the whole family. Imagine how hard it is to sit on the dining table with alot of appetizing food infront but nobody has the appetite. Why? Because we can very well hear our father's scream of pain and my mother's silent crying. If you heard your dad uttering the words "ahhhhhhhhhhh, I can't take it anymore" while your mom softly whispering "please be strong, we need you"... can you still manage to even think of eating?

Months of sleepless night as my father's condition worsen. We thought every night was his last night. If only we have the power to rewind or stop the time. I'm proud of my dad. Admist all the pain, he was able to have a good fight in life.

I miss you Papa... So many words left unsaid. I'm sorry that I don't believe on marraige. I'm sorry that I had a son out of wedlock. I'm grateful that despite my being stubborn, you gave me your blessing for me to decide for myself. If only you can open my heart right now, you will know how fulfilled am I. Yes it was not easy, but I don't have any regrets with the major decisions I made before - your eldest daughter is out of nightmare now so don't worry.

Forgive me if it will take forever for me to forget you.... I know you are still here looking after us. No matter how long is the distance between us, I will always be a Papa's girl...

Kiddie Party for Mac as He turn 19!

Who says if you are turning 19 you are too old to throw a kiddie party? Nah!!! I was ableto prove that wrong... as I organize one for my brother. Haha!

Part of my recent Philippine vacation is to celebrate my middle sibling's birthday. Yes, he turn 19 years old. But instead of a formal dinner over fine food and alcohol drink, I decided to booked Jollibee fastfood instead. With the hassle-free party package that includes party hosting, party games/ prizes, mascot and food - I know it will be such a memorable and wacky experience for all!

It was a suprise. My brother knew the day itself, inside the car when we are already on our way there. He initially got irritated with what I did and insisted he will go back home. But when we reach the place an all the fastfood crew started to greet him "happy birthday", he can't say no anymore and started to be on a party mood.

the birthday boy with his justice league kiddie party theme

with his superhero cake

the guest and party venue

mac, mommy ybeth and baby zy with the party hosts

start of the kid's game - game number 1: longest line

game number 2: longest "happy birthday" greeting

start of adult game (ladies won by the way. hehehe..)

scores: boys - 0 ladies - 2 (best of 3 on the game "arrange yuorself according to...")

eating time

jollibee and hetty mascot came

entetaining the crowd with their dance presentation

birthday wish and blowing of candles

zy with the mascots

It was such a great time. Even the fastfood manager was shock that the celebrant was already a grown-up. Haha!

So to you Mac - Happy Birthday again. Hope you mature as you age. Since I'm not there with you all the time, please continue to take care of Zyrus, Mama and our younger siblings. Focus on your studies as that will be your investment to succeed in the future. Remember that Ate Ybeth will forever be here to guide and love you all.